Vent out • Vol 1Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Don't you hate it when things just simply don't go your way? Sometimes, it starts in the morning and slowly, it ruins the entire day. The day turns into a week, which turns to a month and eventually turns into a year. And before you know it, the whole year is ruined.
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed" this line from Coldplay's song Fix You is probably one of my fave lines ever. The pain of experiencing that feeling hurts so bad, it will slowly destroy you. The quote above (from Lilo amd Stitch) reminded me of Fix You. Somehow, I feel like it's the continuation of that part from the song.
2013 wasn't that nice to me. It was probably one of the hardest years I've encountered, so far. I was happy (and partly sad) because it was about to end! But so far, things aren't going well for me. The past few days of 2014 are better, compared to 2013's days. But of course when there are good days, there are also bad days. To be perfectly honest the bad things, outrun the good things right now. That's not good right? As much as possible I avoid being alone right now. I like being alone, it gives me peace, but I'm not really sure about it right now. Being alone for me has it's disadvantages. It gives me a lot of time to reevaluate my life, so far... It ain't that nice. Let's just say that there are a lot of eye openers (negative ones) and they are just too much too handle. I've been crying (too much) lately. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. One, I feel like dropping out of my school (which is never gonna happen HAHAHA) because I swear to god everytime I think about school right now it gives me a headache, it makes me feel bad and it makes me wanna cry (like really really cry). Two, like I said earlier, things aren't going my way. I've been doing my best and so far... Nothing nice happen. It's as if all my efforts are wasted (nageeffort ako, pero saan naman na pupunta yung effort ko? Frustrating and very stressful ohmygod). Three, I feel bad for myself. It's been a long time since I felt this feeling (since I'm usually happy and carefree anyway and as much as possible I try not to thing about it too much) and it dosen't feel good. There are times where I would have this feeling and just not give a single fuck about it, I don't know why it is bothering me right now. For some reason, it won't leave my mind. Usually I'm really optimistic about my outlook in life, but now...? I'm on the dark side. I hate being sad and pessimistic. They give me weird vibes and I start being suicidal and stuff, it ain't that pretty. I guess reality is giving me a bitch slap, a hard one. Four, I'm overthinking. With all these weird and negative thoughts in my head, I'm surprised I haven't cut (or whatever) myself yet (I guess I found another way to release the anger/stress and negative thoughts I've been keeping). This is bad, really really bad. (sigh) I hope things turn out the way I'm expecting them too be (please God, please) I swear, the moment those things start turning out everything will be way better and I'd probably be the carefree mofo I've always been. Wish me luck! Au revoir (for now)!
PS: omg I'm so sorry for ranting. My rant probably dosen't make sense so don't bother reading it if ever! But if you did, thank you!